Draft Day One!

The Football Log is back! After a promising start to last season, posting became inconsistent, and we had a disappointing finish to the season resulting in a first round exit. (I'm looking at you, fantasy football teams.)

Regardless, the last two and a half months were a bleak landscape filled with something called baseball and some kind of overhyped basketball playoff thing. (What is a Shocker, anyway?) And of course, football won't be starting for another 4 months, but at least the draft, an oasis in an otherwise empty desert that is the offseason, has begun.

Yesterday was the first round of a bizarre draft that seems to feature very few interesting skill position players. Offensive linemen and cornerbacks seem to be all the rage this year. After the Chiefs picked Eric Fisher over Luke Joeckel (I still can't tell if that was a surprise or not), which seemed to be a decision based on some mythical concept called "upside," Joeckel was immediately taken by the Jaguars, who are perennial losers in the AFC South. In the next few hours, when they take any one of Smith/Barkley/Nassib/Dysert/whomever, that probably won't change, because none of those four are able to turn a team around like Luck or Griffin.

Anyway, next up were the equally bad Raiders (sigh), who traded down nine spots and only gained a single extra pick, the tenth of round two. Keep that in mind as I progress through this recap. The Dolphins promptly took someone who doesn't weigh over 300 pounds, that being Dion Jordan, linebacker from Oregon.

After Philadelphia took another tackle, the Lions broke the trend by selecting Ezekiel "Ziggy" Ansah, a former soccer player from Ghana whose mother wanted him to be drafted by a team in Utah, since they had gotten so comfortable at BYU. Oh wait...yeah, there aren't any teams in Utah. Perhaps he will be the Ansah to Detroit's struggles. (I can't even count the number of times I've seen that inane pun, and I still used it regardless.)

Barkevious "Keke" Mingo, who sounds more like a pet dog than an NFL defensive lineman, was selected by the entirely new Browns regime, which has yet to ditch Brandon Weeden, despite the fact that former NFL.com staffer and current Browns GM Michael Lombardi doesn't like him very much.

The lack of a player capable of running a sub-5 second 40 yard dash was becoming more and more apparent as Arizona took guard Jonathan Cooper. Soon, the Rams traded up to #8 and took Tavon Austin, a dynamic wide receiver/running back from West Virginia. Austin's teammate, Geno Smith, the not-really-consensus top quarterback who was shown every 5 seconds on ESPN's broadcast, continued to fall.

The Jets took DeMarcus "Dee" Milliner next, the actually-consensus top cornerback. Hey, it's a start. Don't worry, we'll hear from them again in four picks.

As Mark Ingram was quick to point out, the next two players, Chance Warmack and D.J. Fluker, both linemen, completed the trifecta of Alabama players. No surprise there, given how thoroughly the Tide have dominated the FBS recently.

And then, the Raiders were up again. With Sharrif Floyd, their supposed target at #3, still on the board, it seemed like a golden opportunity, right? Wrong. Instead, the Raiders took D.J. Hayden, a cornerback from Houston who suffered a life-threatening injury in practice last season. He damaged his inferior vena cava, crippling his circulatory system. And then, he made it out of the hospital six days later. Flash forward to the NFL draft, and he's a first-round pick. It's a risky pick, but it definitely addresses a need, seeing as the Raiders need everything except running back and kicker.

Two defensive tackles followed, Sheldon Richardson for the Jets and Star Lotulelei, himself a victim of a heart injury, for the Panthers. The Jets conveniently failed to draft an impact player.

The Saints picked Kenny Vaccaro, who immediately stood out to us home viewers as ESPN showed not only an impressive highlight reel, but also the Texas safety's numerous tattoos.

And then the first quarterback came off the board. No, it was not long-suffering Geno, who was staring intently at...something and awkwardly glanced up at the camera before looking away. Instead, it was EJ Manuel, whom the Bills took. Honestly, just about anyone is better than a Tarvaris Jackson-Aaron Corp combo. (Doug Marrone didn't even know "Andy" Corp's name when he took over the job.)

After a second linebacker went to the Steelers, the inevitable 49ers trade up through the draft netted them Eric Reid, an LSU safety. Just as the Manti Te'o hype machine started to fire up, two more linemen followed for the Giants and Bears.

After the Bengals took Notre Dame tight end Tyler Eifert and the Falcons took Desmond Trufant, brother of current NFL corner Marcus, the Vikings were on the clock. Manti Te'o speculation continued, but everyone must have forgotten that Sharrif Floyd, projected #3 pick, was still on the board, because the Vikings were able to snatch him up half a round later.

The Colts took Florida State defensive end Bjoern Werner, which of course sparked a Bjoern = born pun on NFL.com. Then, the Vikings showed up again, using their pick that they acquired for Percy Harvin to take cornerback Xavier Rhodes. (Not Tyrann Mathieu, who scheduled a draft party to celebrate becoming a first round pick. And guess what? He wasn't taken.)

The Packers then drafted Datone Jones, whom Aaron Rodgers congratulated via Twitter. Rodgers also told Geno Smith to be patient. He'd be waiting for a while longer.

The Texans took DeAndre Hopkins next. It's about time they paired a competent receiver with Andre Johnson. They've waited so long that he'll be retiring soon and they'll need two good receivers.

Denver took another falling prospect, defensive tackle Sylvester Williams, before the Patriots were on the clock. The Vikings, however, traded up for their third first-round pick, in the process giving up four draft picks. Yes, four. The Dolphins only gave up two to move into the #3 spot. (They would later brag that they got the pick for "half price." Great job, Reggie McKenzie.) Minnesota then took Cordarrelle Patterson, who not only has a cool name but also a lot of potential as a wide receiver.

The Rams took inside linebacker Alec Ogletree with the antepenultimate pick. Then, the Cowboys, who had traded down earlier, took Travis Frederick, a huge reach in the late first round. I get the feeling there will be a new regime in Dallas soon.

Finally, the Ravens took safety Matt Elam with the #32 pick, which had a number of notable consequences for Day Two:

1) Three premier quarterbacks are still on the board.
2) Manti "Media Circus" Te'o is still on the board.
3) Tyrann "I got kicked off my school's team and still claim to be an elite prospect" Mathieu is still on the board.
4) For the first time in 49 years, no running backs were taken the first round. Eddie Lacy is still undrafted. All I know is that he was good in my Madden franchise.

See you later for a Day Two recap!